Well, it’s over with… all but the clean up. Ohio winters might be pretty to visit, but you don’t wanna live here. If you live in it, it means that you have to drive in it when the roads are horrible and suffer through multiple heart failures (usually because of the other drivers who drive like idiots). My BILL (Brother-in-law) is one of those idiots. No matter how bad the weather is, he always has to go into town. We live in the country, on a rather large hill and down several roads that are very hilly and very curvy. And he drives like a bat outta hell.
So, he told my Mother-in-law all the bullshit reasons he needed to go to town. As she tried to remind him to be careful because of black ice on the roads, he rudely swiftly cut her off mid-sentence with, “I KNOW how to drive in the snow.” With that he walked away with HER keys, went outside, started the car, and brushed off the several inches of snow that had accumulated atop the car. (He even brought in a chunk and said, “Look how deep it is.” Like he was so proud of the fact he was ignorant enough to go out and drive in it!!) Then he managed to tramp in and out the door a couple times, dragging the snow inside with him, before he finally left.
My husband and I smirked and talked smack as he spun his tires trying to get out of the lane. We have to snicker quietly to ourselves or risk drawing the wrath of his mother down upon us for laughing at her worthless baby.
Less than 10 minutes after he left, her phone rang. I listened intently from the kitchen as she exclaimed, “SO WHAT, YOU’RE IN THE DITCH??” I quickly left my post in the kit…
We interrupt this blog-cast with this breaking news story: COOKIE IS HAVING HER KITTENS! News crews are on the way, so we’ll have more on this story in an upcoming post. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.
I quickly left my post in the kitchen where I was preparing myself a salad and some popcorn chicken to ask my dearest hubby if he wanted some and to secretly let him know about the phone call. The smile across his face was priceless. (I know that it sound evil that he would smile because his dearest baby brother had an “accident”, but I swear, you’d have to be here… really. If he’d been hurt, he wouldn’t have found even a little bit of joy in the whole situation.)
So, with that, the mother-in-law’s husband, who is all of 1 year older than my husband and younger than two of my husband’s siblings, knew it was up to him to go rescue him… in his Ford Explorer… with the broken 4WD. And he asked if my husband wanted to ride along.
My hubby couldn’t resist the opportunity to see if he could see the tire tracks of this phantom-wrong-side-of-the-road-driver, so he accepted the invite and donned his winter attire. I waited patiently at home while they ventured out on their mission, curious as to what stories they would return with.
Well, needless to say, there wasn’t much of a story, except this… which is more of a mystery, in my opinion… Please see the diagram below. LOL
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Diagram of the Scene
Diagram of the Scene
Imagine that you’re driving the orange car northbound, like BILL was. Now imagine that the roads are snow covered and slippery. Now, imagine that there is the gray car coming southbound toward you, driven by the mysterious-phantom-left-of-center driver, which starts to come into your lane, which direction would you choose? Which path would you take? Route A where you would drive off the right side (your side) of the road to avoid the oncoming vehicle that is entering your lane? Or, would you choose Route B, which would turn you left, directly into the path of this oncoming car?
Me, I would take Route A and drive off the shoulder of the road, furthest from the oncoming vehicle rather than directly into it’s path. But not BILL. Nope. Not him. He evidently picked Route B and driving into the path of the mysterious phantom driver…. and ended up on the opposite side of the road — in the ditch.
Now, I might buy his story if there were a high embankment that he might have bounced off of and spun around landing him on the wrong side of the road in the ditch. But there’s not. If he veered off to the right, he’d have landed in the ditch on HIS side of the road because the road was so slippery he’d have just went *ploop* off the right side of the road. The general consensus of the household members (except his Mom) is that he was driving entirely too fast, but had to make up some lame lie to tell his momma. And not just any lie. A ridiculous lie — something that if someone put the pieces together (points to self) they could see right through his BS stories.
Alright, now that I totally blew the original intent of this post, I guess I’ll post the winter storm pictures tomorrow! LOL
But please, leave me a comment and tell me what you’d have done?? Am I crazy? Do I have an unhealthy obsession with BILL’s activities and lies? (Wait, don’t answer that last question.)
